My neighbor recommended that I run Pea up to the local pharmacy to see if the pharmacist could help us out. (Because they are supposed to help with that kind of thing, right?) So we pile all the babies into the car. On the way I call everyone I know for an opinion. Since no one I talk to has actually had/dealt with lice, I feel even worse.
When I get to the pharmacy, I leave the other three in the car, and just run Pea in. I ask for the pharmacist and a youngish guy comes up to help.
"Hey! (I whisper. I hate being judged) I um, think, that we, i mean she, might possibly but hopefully and probably not has lice. But since I'm not sure, and it's probably not can you help me figure it out?"
The pharmacist takes the tiniest step backward and gets all shifty eyed.
"Well, um I've never really, I mean, I don't know what it looks like and I've never really gone through someones hair for it. So um, no. I mean. Sorry."
(Sidenote: DUDE. I was not asking you to reach your hand in and grab a couple to get an upclose look...just a glance would have sufficed. JerkFace!)
He then directed me to the lice care aisle and sent me up to the front to pay. Meanwhile the pharmacy tech or whatever you call the judgey-mcjudgerson lady who works at the pharmacy is not even trying to hide her disgust face. I am so ashamed. But my embarrassment is not over yet. We step into line behind a lady and her daughter, who happens to be Hannah's age, and who has long, beautiful hair. The mom takes one look at our purchase and at Hannah, and backs out of line. "Uh, I need to look around a little more. Come this way isabella (or whatever long haired girl's name is)". They head to the back of the store. I am practically in tears. We check out quickly (the checkout lady didn't blink an eye at our purchase. She probably knew that LICE DO NOT JUMP 5 FEET FROM ONE LITTLE GIRL TO ANOTHER).
Especially not pretend lice. Because that's what it was. When we got home I got the little licecomb (ew) out of the kit, and brushed the non-nits out of her hair and realized (with the help of my SIL) that lice nits (ew) are not actually green. Or suspiciously shaped like the plant leaves around which Hannah spends her time playing. Evidently Pea had sprinkled the little green seeds into her hair...and inadvertently given her mother a 45 minute panic attack. Thanks, Pea!
And what was my little lice princess doing during all of this? She was discussing what the "mice" were doing in her hair, and what they were going to do, and "prolly the mice just need someplace to live". Even after Matthew told her that LICE were bugs that live in your hair, she didn't mind. "Oh! Dats perty cute!". Caitlin meanwhile was rocking back and forth with her hands over her head, as far away from the action as possible. That one doesn't like anything creepy crawly...the smaller they are, the more she freaks. "OH MY! DOES SHE HAVE LICE!?? IS IT LICE?! OH NO I HAVE LICE TOO! IM ITCHY ALL OVER ITS THE LIII-HICCCCEEE!!" Matthew went into explorer-er mode. He brought down his magnifying glass, a specimen collection jar and a pair of tweezers. He was ready to jump right in a pick out some nits (ew). And then EXAMINE them. Ben of course, was taking advantage of the chaos and managed to get completely naked and race around the living room. He loves lice.
While I am so very glad it was not lice, I have learned a few things.
1. I will no longer judge people who have lice. It's just mean.
2. If I ever need some personal space, all I have to do is say the word "lice". People are very receptive.
(are y'all itching from all this lice talk? my scalp has been going crazy since I started writing this post. Gonna go check and make sure I don't have that rare form of green lice...)
